i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
