he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
