i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
