if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize