i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
