Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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