he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
