I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
