Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I wish there were birth control emojis
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
