Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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