Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
