why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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