Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
