There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize