If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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