He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
