the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
