She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
