i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
