Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i need some magic done to my vagina
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
