i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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