69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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