glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
