i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
