Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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