Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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