I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
