So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
worst night to have a conscience
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
