first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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