Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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