If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
it's like iHOP with fire
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
