you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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