Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
