i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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