apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
