Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Let's get the cat blown out
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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