When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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