How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Randomize
