all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
