she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
