I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
...so i touched it.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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