every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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