By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
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