We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
