You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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