Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
