he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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