Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
