I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
