You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
