i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
