Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
