i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
