Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
