when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
