dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
