that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
