8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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