that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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