guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
