this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
