i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
