It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
