my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize